


For the First Time

by 94BottlesOfSnapple



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Emotional Baggage, F/M, Kisses, Present Tense, reassurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 12:36:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12388218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/94BottlesOfSnapple/pseuds/94BottlesOfSnapple
Summary: “I love you.”The words are sudden, unconsidered, they fall from Julian’s lips like an epiphany. But then they’re out in the open air, and the doctor realizes what he’s said.





	For the First Time

It’s early afternoon, and sunlight is streaming through the rainbow of glass bottles in the shop window. The way it dapples her face in a myriad of bright colors is ethereal, paints that familiar visage into something new, a different angle of her beauty. It’s probably the poetry of the moment that leaves Julian unguarded — a simple, everyday scene that glitters because it’s so much more than he could have ever hoped for.

“I love you.”

The words are sudden, unconsidered, they fall from Julian’s lips like an epiphany. But then they’re out in the open air, and the doctor realizes what he’s said. The admission he’s made. Syneas looks up at him, startled, drops the rag she was cleaning the glass counter with. Julian’s pulse pounds in his ears, a repeated mantra, you-shouldn’t-have-done-that, you-shouldn’t-have-done-that—

“Julian…”

He can’t help the thoughts of Asra, even now, the sickening memories of his own desperation; _you know I can’t give you everything you want._

All the color drains from Julian’s face as he stares down at Syneas in mounting horror.

He doesn’t want to know. Whatever it is, he doesn’t want to hear.

“No, nevermind, you should forget I said—”

“Julian—”

“—wasn’t thinking clearly and—”

“ _Julian_ —”

“—never want to pressure you into—”

“ _Ilya!_ ”

He jerks to a stop, mouth still open, rationalizations still on his tongue. For four of Julian’s terrified, thumping heartbeats, they stare at each other. Then Syneas sighs, takes two steps forward, and reaches up to cup his jaw in her hands.

Both of them are painfully aware that it’s the first time she’s ever called him by that name.

But, Syneas justifies to herself, there’s no point in backing down now that she has his attention, even if it was a mistake to let that untested endearment slip out.

“Ilya,” she repeats, tenderly, hoping that it’s not the last time she’s ever going to say it. “Julian. You don’t have to take it back. I don’t _want_ you to take it back. The fact that you, that there’s something I’ve done or someone else has done to convince you it’s wrong to say those words to me is… It’s painful. Because I… I love you too. All right? I, maybe I haven’t said it that way, but I do love you, and the idea that you think I might _not_ …”

Her hands dart back to her own face to try and wipe away the tears pooling in her eyes. She laughs weakly.

“God, I’m a mess. I, I just… This isn’t a, a _fling_ to me. You’re pretty and you kiss well but that’s not the entire, the _basis_ of this. I do actually _care_ about you, and I… I just…” Syneas trails off, can’t find any more words.

She’s looking down, still trying to scrub away the evidence of her tears. And then there’s a hand on the back of her neck, elegant fingers twining in her hair.

“I love you.”

It’s soft, uncertain, but heartfelt. Syneas tilts her head up and Julian repeats himself more firmly.

“I love you.”

As he dips down to kiss her, her hands fist instinctively in his shirt.

“I love you,” Julian says between each brush of their lips, fevered and breathless. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

It’s all Syneas can do to keep kissing him back, to match that fervent passion. She presses forward on her toes, leaning up to help him more easily close the distance between them. All thoughts fall away under an onslaught of sensation – sparking heat, the softness of his mouth, the firm grip of his fingers in her hair, her pulse thrumming in her ears as it strains to match the rising tempo of his heart beneath her hand.

And when they stop to catch their breath, foreheads pressed together, giddy laughter on their lips, everything is right again.

“I love you,” Syneas murmurs.

Julian’s hand cards idly through her hair, accompanied by a tender smile.

“Syneas…?”

She smiles back. The expression is sleepy and carefree.

“Mm…?”

“Will you say it again?” he requests shyly.

“I love you.”

Julian’s glance corners away and his mouth presses into that familiar, embarrassed line.

“N-no, I…” he stammers. “It’s… Will you… Will you call me…”

Understanding crosses her face, and then mischief.

“ _Ilya_?” Syneas finishes for him, tipping her face up to press a kiss to his nose. “Of course I will. I’ve only wanted to since forever.”

The admission seems to startle him.

“Then… Er, that is… Why haven’t you?”

She pulls back and shakes her head with a wry smile.

“Don’t you know? Names are important, Ilya. And that one is…” Syneas purses her lips thoughtfully, searching for the right word. “It’s an especially intimate part of you. The only one you offered me freely was ‘Julian’; I didn’t want to presume.”

That charming, roguish smirk spreads across Julian’s face, then, and he twines his arms around her waist to tug her closer once more.

“Presume all you like, shopkeep,” he murmurs into her ear, voice low and coy.

Syneas laughs.

“You’re insufferable,” she chides halfheartedly.

“I don’t know,” Julian retorts, still grinning. “I think you suffer me very well.”

“Mm.” Syneas smirks right back and loops her arms around his neck. “Well, you _are_ very pretty.”

“I hear I kiss well, too,” he offers.

“ _I’ll_ be the judge of that, Ilya.”

He just shrugs his shoulders as if to say, I guess there’s no helping it.

“Ah, well. Judge away, then.”

And so, her heart full and a laugh on her lips, bathed in the familiar comfort of refracted light, Syneas kisses him again.


End file.
